It’s safe to say that if you’re reading this, then you already have a big dream or mission that you want to bring to life and impact the world. Your focus may be on health, relationships, wellness, or a traumatic event in your life that you want to help others avoid. Regardless, you have the potential to influence a large group of people in a very positive way.
Unfortunately, many people in this position take on other people’s opinions or ideas. This can have a negative impact on what they’re really trying to do.
When I was recently at A-Fest in Mexico, I met up with my friend Psalm Isadora who was also in attendance. I was hanging out with her and watching her interactions with other people. It made me realize how much we prevent ourselves from going after what we truly want or need.
She had approached a man who she wanted to set up a meeting with but he stated that he already had a lot going on, was too tired, and wasn’t available.
Most of us would have given up at that point and walked away. However, she was determined to speak with him and keep asking until he finally got her connected with the person who manages his calendar.
And you know what? She was able to set up a meeting and got to talk with him! I went up to her and asked her how she was able to do this with such conviction.
Her response was basically that she wasn’t worried about caring what others think of her. She knew it was important for her to have the meeting. In essence, she did what she needed to do to get it done!
When I spoke with Psalm in more detail about this, she made some really relevant points.
In her mind, if you’re not attached to the outcome, then when someone says no or doesn’t think you have a good idea, then you won’t take it personally. It’s not that something is necessarily wrong with you. It’s just that it may not be the best time for the situation itself.
It usually because they’re already worried about whether or not the other person will say no. In some circumstances, that worry or fear can prevent them from asking for anything in the first place.
What’s important to realize when these situations come up is that a denial isn’t the end of the world. The consequences aren’t nearly going to be as dire as you may have imagined them to be.
In reality, the worse that can happen is that you’re told “no” and then you’re free to find a new way to achieve that specific goal in a different way.
My friend Jason Goldberg was also in attendance at A-Fest. We decided to team up and both tried to embody this same methodology as we went through our day. We came up with a few steps to help us, and I’ll share them with you here:
Step #1: Awareness of how you may be holding yourself back
If you find that you’re not taking steps towards your goals, are you stopping yourself from asking for advice or help because you’re afraid of being told “no”? Maybe you’re not writing relevant content to promote your business or asking an industry influencer if you can be a guest on their podcast.
This could also be that you’re not introducing yourself to key people at events. It’s important to understand why this may be happening and where you’re holding yourself back. That way you can identify what’s blocking you and correct it moving forward.
Step #2: Observe the situations where your blocks are coming up
If you’ve ever been in a conversation with someone, and you wanted to ask that person something important but didn’t, it’s important for you to understand where that’s coming from.
Observing these situations and discovering why it’s happening for you and that it’s not the end of the world if the other person refuses or denies you. When this occurs, find a way to ask yourself – are you intimidated by the other person?
Do you feel like you’re not important enough to ask questions? Or, say what you’re thinking because they’re “cooler” than you or they’re more significant?
Do these situations make you feel like you’re back in the days where you were unpopular in high school?
If you’ve answered yes to any of those questions, you’ll need to work out what’s triggering those specific reactions and why they’re coming up. Going back to my recent time at A-Fest, I was introduced to a woman who was also in attendance.
I noticed that I wasn’t receiving much positive energy from her during our conversation. But I was proud of myself that I didn’t take it personally and instead looked at the situation objectively.
It made me realize that it wasn’t just me. I observed her afterward and noticed that she actually had a similar attitude to others who approached her.
One important thing came out of that observation. It realized that this one interaction shouldn’t stop me from putting myself out there and approaching others.
So always try to take an objective look in situations where you encounter blocks and see how you can view things from a different perspective.
Step #3: Have someone to hold you accountable
It also helps to have someone to help hold you accountable. This can be a mastermind partner, a colleague, or a close friend, like Jason was for me.
Knowing who you can partner with can be particularly helpful, especially when attending big events.
A lot of them have keynote speakers or attendees who have achieved a tremendous amount of success or fame in their niche so it’s easy for your insecurities to come up when trying to approach this type of audience.
This also came up at the same event when my husband and I were attending one of the after-parties. We realized that motivational speaker and media personality Lisa Nichols was in attendance.
I instantly thought of how awesome it would be to have her on my podcast but was way too shy and embarrassed to approach her! It was only due to my husband and others coaxing and encouraging me that I got up the nerve to introduce myself.
And now, we’re in the process of working out a time for us to talk! But it would have never happened if I wouldn’t have had someone to hold me accountable. Super cool, right? :)
The important takeaway here is that regardless of what other people say or do, you shouldn’t take it personally. Their actions aren’t a reflection of your true value or who you are.
For instance, as Psalm Isadora, a Sex and Tantric Expert, who’s also been the most popular episode on It Girl Radio, told me, “If a guy walks into the room and I take all of my clothes off and he decides he’s not interested and wants to leave, that’s fine and he should go.” In other words, if she’s not to his liking, and it’s got nothing to do with her.
It’s basically on him if that’s what he wants to do. Makes sense, right?
So regardless of the situation you’re in, what others say or do should never take away from you or who you are as a person.
Always try to look at situations objectively. Allow those close to you to hold you accountable so you can move towards the actions that will help you achieve your goals.